Wednesday, January 15, 2020

the day before your 8th birthday


Tomorrow you would be 8 years old. A birthday on earth would be so much easier and simple. But instead you are celebrating your second birthday in heaven, with 6 on earth. Grief math. You do not age beyond 6 years 2 months and 28 days. Every day further is a day you are in heaven. No wishes to blow out. No party to prepare. No friends to invite. No presents to unwrap. Just memories. Memories is all we have. The best birthdays behind us. Every birthday is behind us. We can not document as you grow. As you add another year to your life. I have no idea if your best friend would have changed with entering school? No idea what clothing you would prefer to wear? How you would want your hair styled? What tv show would be your automatic watch? Or what music would be you jam? No idea if you would be walking yet? Or back in martial arts? No idea if you'd be writing your name or using a keyboard? Would you still beg for your 3 books at night? Or would you be reading them to me? Everything about 8 is a mystery. Just as year 7 was all a mystery. I can dream of who you would have been. But dreaming is nothing compared to having you here. And that is impossible. You are forever 6 years 2 months and 28 days old. Your last birthday in our arms was January 16, 2018. So how do we celebrate you? A child who never ages? Who is not here? But our child in heaven?

We find ways to create space to honor your memory. For this year we are asking big. And it is for a lifetime impact on ONE family who will also endure a lifetime of heaven birthdays for their child. A child you will one day meet and welcome into heaven. I'm asking HUGE for your birthday, Sammy. And it seems impossible. About as impossible as living through tomorrow, another birthday without you here. It feels like we are being forgotten. You are being forgotten. That sharing your memory, sharing you is too much these days. That we are old news. You are no longer important. But you are important. You are forever loved. Forever cherished. Forever ours. We love you as deep as the ocean and as high as the stars. 6 was not enough, but it will have to do. Happy birthday sweet boy.

Love your Mom
Always and Forever

It feels like we are asking too much. I've actually been told I'm asking too much. But is it too much? If you were in our shoes? If this check for $10,000 was going to your family because your child died? Would our ask be too big? Our family never received this type of financial help, but we could have absolutely used it. It would have helped our family in so many ways. And we hope to honor another forever FAMily through this gift for Sammy's 8th birthday.

Will you help us celebrate our son? Can you donate $8 for his 8th birthday? Or $20 for 2020. Or $6 for forever 6. Or give big if you are able? Can you share? Tag your friends and family? Can you help make $10,000 happen for his birthday?

Sammy's 8th Birthday Fundraiser for FAM - Fighting All Monsters

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